If I Said

If I said everytime it snowed, all I want to hold is you in my arms,
If I said whenever the roses bloomed, they bloom because you are the love of my life,
If I said that the leaves fall when you're not around, my heart slows a beat the same,
If I said the sun shines longer in summer, and you are the sun that never fails to shine,
Would you then, dance with me in the snow, allow me your blooming love, leave me never and shine your light on me?

A snowy days poem

The snow falls on my face,
I take a pace,
I look into her eyes,
And all I see is lies.
My heart is not with her,
How then are we to say forever.

A Lost Battle

I found out today, that after short blissful moments of having a reason to live again, i lost that reason. I am only able to type this because of the Big Man up there. If it were not for Him, i would have taken this to the limits and my already tormented heart, will feel the bitterness of loneliness.

But the Good Lord has proven His immense and endless love to me and took pity on my soul. I asked Him for an answer and He provided that answer moments later. It was like an instant messaging program. Through my friends and through my opponent in this matter of liking and the beginning of love. But what i cherished most today was 1) that the answer was very prompt, I felt it was as if He knew what i was going through and He didn't want me to suffer anymore. 2)a good friend's kind words. " He might have won a battle, but the victor of the war is still unbeknown. The triumph of a man is in the war, not the battles." ( Vincent King, 2004)

Where is God?

We have always complained when we arrive at turbulent times. We've always akes the question where is God in all our pain and sorrow? Why is He not here to help us and remove our suffering? Why do we have to go through it alone? I went through a period of immense self tormentation and despair and i thought to myself, where the hell am i going? I was lost and aimless and at a period hurting every single day. But it dawned on me recently, i do not recall when and where exactly, that God was by myside all this while. He was with me all throughout my moments of wandering. Then this thought came to mind.

He does not come down and relieve us of our sorrows and sufferings, nor does He allows us an easy way out from them. He gives us life in life itself. What we being the narrow minded people that we have always been, do not realise His wonderful presence. He gives us courage and hope to live again, through the most common creations that we would never think of, people who know, care and love us. Our family, our friends. sometimes even the fellow sitting next to you in the bar. We do not realise that because we keep blaming Him and we never take the time to look amongst us.

Many would say this is a common thought and we would have thought about it. Maybe. Maybe not. Whatever the scenario might be, i hope this helps to readers. That although i am still searching, i can slowly and steadily see His love glowing in the midst of my family, my friends. Courage and strength to live another day of turmoil is all around us. It is whether or not we are willing to stop blaming Him for the tragedies or mishaps, or even question His presence and start opening our minds and more importantly our hearts to those who care and love us. But one thing to be noted, His love is immortal, and ever so merciful after all we humble servants or His continue our sinning ways.

What makes a man a man....

What makes a man, a man, is not his origin nor the way he starts things but the way he chooses to end things....

- Adapted from "Hellboy" 2004 -

Reasons To Why I Want To Spend The Rest Of My Life Loving You

1) You opened doors i closed.
2) You lighten my load.
3) you showed me right from wrong.
4) you taught me how to live again.
5) you were there during my darkest days and my brightest hours.
6) you understand me the most.
7) you cared for me when i was sick.
8) you proved to me that love is a many splendid things.
9) you shared your life with me.
10) you gave me joy and happiness no one could.
11) you respected me for who i am and not what i am
12) you beared with my ignorance and pride.
13) you showered me with small little things that melts my heart.
14) you were always there to listen to my troubles.
15) you were my pillar of fire through the day and my shining star at night.
16) I want you to be called mine.
17) I want to share my life with you.
18) I want our love to be the greatest of all time.
19) I want to buy you soup when you're cold and share an ice cream with you.
20) I want to hold you in my arms when i dance.
21) I want to write poetry about you and the splendour you radiate.
22) I want to walk with you down the beach under the moonlight that bounces off your soft skin.
23) I want you to be my Prom Queen.
24) I want to cover you with my jacket when you're freezing.
25) I want to scribble the words, "I Love You" on our car when its misty.
26) I want to look into that gleaming eyes of yours when you're happy.
27) I want to love you like how everyman should love a woman, and more.
28) I want to care for you.
29) I want to be your best friend.
30) I want to be your love suicide.
31) You are the missing puzzle of my heart.
32) I want to surprise you at any occasion and see how your faces brightens.
33) I want to spend the rest of my life with you.
34) I want to watch the constellation of stars in the highest heavens with you.
35) I want to lay by the fireplace looking at you, and telling myself " I am the luckiest man alive"
36) I want my passenger's seat to be with you in it.
37) I want the both of us to win at any telematch we partake in.
38) I want to know each and every part of you.
39) I never believed in dreaming till I met you.
40) I never believed that golden sleigh bells could ever find the perfect foot till you showed me how.
41) I never belived that wishes could come true. You were my wish come true.
42) You made me a believer of all things good.
43) You showed me there's a pot of gold at every rainbow's end.
44) I want to drive home every night knowing that you are waiting patiently for me to come home to you
45) You made me trust again.
46) I want to fall asleep looking at you.
47) I want the last thing on my mind everynight to be you.
48) I want to wake up the next morning, bursting to know what your first words would be.
49) I want to realise that one day that this is the life I need with you for I'm in lovem and it was because of you.
50) I want to do anything and everything with confidence that you are by myside all the time.
51) I want to paltipate everytime I see you.
52) I want to feel the honor of having you next to me.
53) I want to go anywhere and everywhere with you.For I know being next to you is being at home.
54) I want to watch you smile while you sleep.
55) I want our love to be understood by the both of us and obfuscate to everyone else.
56) I want guarantee that our relationship will have its ups and downs.
57) I want to guarantee that at some point, one or both of us will want to pull out of this.
58) And I also want to guarantee that if i do not ask you to be mine, I'd regret it for the rest of my life. For you are the only one for me.
59) I'm just anothe boy standing in front of another girl asking her to love me.
60) I want to kiss you every morning and make your day that much better.
61) I want to be the sunshine in your life.
62) If i ever walk out of the church, i want you to be by my side.
63) I want to appreciate you.
64) I want to take the last flight out just so that i can spend an extra minute with you.
65)I want to make history with you.
66) I don't want to feel afraid cause I can see you and find that smile with you with me.
67) I want to make you understand how important you are to me.
68) I want to take time to make our relationship work.
69) You brought back the inner child in me.
70) You helped me climb that golder ladder and achieve my goals.
71) I want to thank God everynight for you.
72) I want to know what turns you on.
73) I want to know what makes you cry.
74) I want to kiss your lips and take your breath away.
75) I want to pledge to give my best in all i do for us, for our lives together.
76) You showed me everything has its way and life is no joyride.
77) I want to wipe your tears away.
78) I want to take a journey through your mind and learn all of you.
79) I realised that life is just too precious to be wasted and i want to love and live with you knowing that my love is cherished and that i have someone i love.
80) I want you to have my heart.
81) I want to shower you with every bit of my love and make you the happiest person on earth.
82) I want to have a life of endless moments good and bad, with you in it, making it that much more meaningful, for i know no one can do it the way you do.
83) I want love to keep us alive.
84) You were the one i was longing to hold all this while, it's just that i never realised it till you told me you wanted to hold me and hang on to me.
85) When we are together everything seems possible.
86) I want to know what we share had nothing to do with me, for everything forms as one logical progession.
87) I want to have dreams of you and me.
88) You complete me.
89) Our hearts are not 2 but 1.
90) I want to know you're the one i'd give up my life for.
91) I want to take each day and plan my life with you.
92) You are my elixir in life.
93) Hope shows me strength and courage to lead everyday of my life with you.
94) I want our memory to be strong and sweet so that our love may last if not forever then till the moment i breathe my last.
95) You are the simplest note that swells my gale and the opening event to my paradise.
96) I want to stop being mercurial about mattters and settle down with you.
97) Faith gives me trust in you and in us, and what we have together will last.
98) Patience makes me realise you are the answer to my long and wandering search for peace attainable only in your arms.
99) I want nothing more than to know you love me. With that, I know life will be all good at the end, for i'll know i won't wake up feeling hopeless and aimless. I know that at anytime, your love is with me.
100) Last but not least, i don't want only 100 reasons as to why i want to spend the rest of my life loving you, but to have another reason discovered as our lives grow as one. I love you.

- Dominic Noel Choo Yu-Chai a.k.a. The Glory Searcher -

Brotherhood Love

Where there’s friendship and love,
It’s not anyone’s gift; but a gift from above.
Nothing can make us go back to those days again,
But we’ll know we’ll be there in times of pain,
It may not be physically,
Rather mentally and spiritually.
Though our ways are different,
And are paths for each other is certain,
The times where we have to make new friends,
The rough times that makes us insane,
And even worse; memories of us being “the Family”,
Runs in our head, oh, so frequently,
The hole in the heart that’s never filled,
It almost looks like “the Family” is killed.

But my brothers,
Our paths are made for our own lives,
That one day we might again be together,
So I hope we might understand how time flies,
To understand, no one can ever fill that hole,
And without it we are that less whole.
For the times through shit and giggles,
Will one day last till we see our freckles.
For we treasure every part of us,
And when time shows us,
Our brotherhood is fading away,
I want you to know,
It is the price we have to pay,
That this might brotherhood will grow.
Our lives are such, thanks to the brotherhood,
And I believe if we have faith and trust,
If we think of “the Family” as a must,
It will be our livelihood.

- The Glory Searcher -

The Trust Man

Before I came to NZ, my friend, passed me this letter. It was sealed and had the words "Do Not Open Till 30000 ft Above Sea-Level". When i reached that height during the flight, i opened it and saw the contents which read:

" Especially for: Dominic Noel Choo

Dude,while you are gone, remember:
1) Home, your hommies and "bruhs"
2) To take care and do well in everything you pursue
3) Don't "chong tong". Be steady and do things slowly
4) That your friends @ home will have problems answering, "Ki Tolok?"
5)That we will get thrashed @ FT without you!
6) That we expect to see the same Fat Bitch that left for NZ when you return, except for the better.
7)That we will always miss you and will pray for you to do well...and I will bring Toms to church on Sundays too...hehe..
8)Remember that we are the FOOKCHOW FAMILY and we are all KACHENG PE's!
9)Don't drive your life away..hehe..

Take care and all da best,
Aaron Tan

Friends through shits and giggles, FOOKCHOW.COM"

They say that friends are important people in our lives, and without friends where would we be. They bring us up when we're down, share our tears and our joy. They are happy when we're happy. They have faith in us and they trust us. They look care for matters of our own lives when we're not around. I found a true friend and though we have had some moments of bitterness, you have always been there for me and is still at times helping me when I hit rockbottom.I acknowledge now all that you have down for me. I do not thank you as a friend, nor a good friend. I thank you for being a brother to me. A brother who cares and appreciates me as your own blood. Although one day that reality will hit where that blood is different and we have our own lives to lead, i want to say, that every moment i am away from you and the Family, i miss you guys that much more. I've had the honor of being your friend, I am leading a life less complete without you by myside, and I will cherish all that we've shared. You are my Trust Man.

Keep the loving.

Love Unchangeable

You’re beauty is so delicate,
Softer than a petal of flower it radiates.
You’re always open and free,
You shed your care and love like a willow tree.
Charity, faith and generosity fill your heart,
It explains why I’m with you,
I shall never want to part.
Your smile tells people how you are so amiable,
This makes me obtain affinity to you being so affable.
You are where I seek my solace,
A place where I end my race.
You’re my second half,
Completing me and always showing me the path.
Being with you is like serendipity,
It’s perfection in simplicity.
You’ve helped me achieve this heaven on earth,
Materials and wealth cannot compare to your worth.
You always give me hope,
Teaching me to make my life bloom like a rose.
I pray that we reciprocate our feelings towards each other,
So we might trust and love forever.
I pledge to be next to you in sad or singing weather,
So that we might both grow old together.
I pray that I’m the one you confide,
Open up let me inside,
I’ll be your crying shoulder,
I promise to love you and no other.
I can’t think of life without you,
What the painful nights could do.
If only you’ll stop and look at me,
And say, “He’ll forever be.”
If only you’d come to me in time of need,
And see that a million I offer indeed.
For you I’ll take down the skies,
Even if the flowing river dries.
Without you I face trials and tribulations,
Without you there’s so much deception.
I do not love you for what but who,
And with that I hope you’ll say, “I do.”

- The Glory Searcher -

About Me

I’ve always dwelt in the past,
Hoping one moment then will forever last.
Many memories I’ve had,
Too many to mention, most are sad.
Ask the Family, they know,
Every time it happens, they say, “Oh No!”
There he goes again,
Above his head: clouds of rain.
I never thought it’ll last: all the pain.
To the Family, “I’m sorry if it made you insane.”
Enemies I’ve made,
But never has it made me feel glad.
The utter bitterness that grows,
Our hearts, hatred sows.
“I bid you peace”
My goals go as far as the Golden Fleece,
Wishing heaven will look down on me.
Praying God’s forgiveness will sustain me,
To change and learn as every day passes,
Then when I die, I can say, “I’ve lived to the fullest.”
Love I’ve betrayed,
Who I am now is what my actions made.
I’ve lived and loved too many times,
Always looking for that someone right,
Only ending up tasting the sourness of lime.
Then lying alone in bed at night,
When words I’ve said and didn’t mean,
Or actions promised but me never keen,
My apologies to one and all,
If these has done you an image of my fall.
To the one who has meant so much,
You say happiness with him is such,
Then happiness I shall wish to you,
Let our friendship stay forever and true.
Now I stand at the crossroads of my life,
Deciding where, when, why and what.
How, who I am to strife,
Focusing on the 18th Hole putt.
To the Almighty my praises be,
For allowing me my friends and a wonderful family.
Without Him I stand no where,
Without Him I am nothing but a sinner.

- The Glory Searcher -

Five Twenty Seven AM

How would it feel if you woke up every morning in the past 6 months needing love every morning, only waking up to know that the someone you love is standing before your sight, beyond your reach? How would it feel to know that someone already knows herself as an item with another soul? Is it his fault? No. Is it hers? No.

Then you turn and try the other route. Walking half way there you find out circumstance does not permit you love of this such, love of this time. You realize then not only have you thrown yourself down the abyss of damnation, you realize you’ve brought down all you’ve believed in. Then when you finally reach the end, you try and get up but you know you’re too deep. You can’t move. You can’t breather. Nothing you do is right. What options are there left for you?

You turn to your friends, and they allow you words that tear you heart apart. After all this while, when you thought brothers in blood of different parents you were, then realizing the one day will come, when you must admit the fact that your blood is different. They tell you, friendship, take no effort. Friendship is where you are. Where then do you go?

Your family is far away and it permits you not to call or visit them. It permits you not for you know, that what we know of as financial means, is not something you have not something you are easily available with. They love you this you know. They mean a lot to you this you know as well. But how are you to tell them you love them? What is the next move? Where does the aero point next?

Stranded on an island.

-. The Glory Searcher -