A plea to forgive me

I've always been perceived as arrogant, rude and often cold towards others i have very little knowledge of. I also tend to attain jealousy at a prompt rate. Quick tempered and abusive were a few of my many flaws I've experienced. I've played and not work. I've taken life and the essence of life, love as a mere toy. Having feelings on an on-off basis. But all those happened when I was at an age where it all mattered. Nothing else. The glory i received from it was endless. Nor was the sufferings and sorrow that came along with it. As times change, so must I. With all those flaws that once filled this being of mine, I have had many enemies. I know what I did were some, at an unforgivable rate. I ask of you this, that you forgive me for the many wrongs that i have committed. And i ask that you find it in your hearts to forgive me.

Being away from home has taught me many things. One of which i share with all of you this very moment. Humility. However, i do stand firm on one principle in my life, "Don't Fuck With Me"or anything that i hold dear to my heart. I do not mind if the mishaps or occurences might take place with me in it, for i am already broken. Bring it to those that matter to me, and i promise you this, as long as i have blood flowing through my veins, i'll personally grant you, your 3 fold utopian nightmare.

- Alcar -

Silent reverie

Wondering if i'll ever see the light or if i'll ever touch the skies
My mind takes me to how you placed times of endless smiles
Your passion and strength and all there is to your heart
Your courage and faith brings out the best on my part

Never could i have imagined knowing a soul like youor coming close to one
All my memories i fear are of pain and sorrow when it comes down to one
I've dreaded the torment and bitterness
And this whole self seeking concept seems endless

I come to you now, tainted and broken full of despair
I have nothing to offer only myself and a heart needing repair
Will you stretch out your hand and save me from my wreckage?
Will you spread forth your light and wake me from my silent reverie?
If i could and i would, i'd return you the compassion you've shown me
But like all that walks this earth i come as a package

Love poverty

Now that he's standing here next to you
I see in your eyes he's taken all the blues
Knowing your heart longed to have him all this time
What i'll do or say means nothing to your heavenly sublime

This has always been the case of me loving someone
Never to have the love returned or holding me dear
Every night i wish upon the stars hoping you're the one
That i'll hold dear to my heart and say she is forever

The numbness in my soul for all the bitterness
Is proof to you that if you're happy with his love
And how he treats you is beyond this earth
Then my love is here for you and i'll make it endless
I'll walk away from your life and leave the two of you
I'll make it all easier and not let you have a clue
That i used to love you so very much
And i prayed that both of us will have memories
For i dreamt that someday our lives are such
But i know you love him so i'll leave the memories

It seems i can never win this battle
Every time i hold on to someone who's heart's so pure
My dreams are that some one knows the cure
To the painful nights and bitter misery
How long am i to last with this love that's in my heart?
I want to show her how much i'll never want to part
But i awake from my sleep no one's here
I can only see the darkness that'so clear
Can't it be for once the girl shine her love on me?

I want to live and love with every bit of me
And it seems the world is against this to be
Why are chances never right?
And no one where i can draw light?
Even if i could even if i wanted to
Circumstances are always not for us two
I've been waiting so long, so hard, so painful
When will i taste the moments that are blissful
Please just take me, my heart feels it's not of this place
Glory i try to find, sorrows turn in time
All i want, all i need is to call her mine
My dreams are broken, my heart shattered, when will i find my solace?


- Alcar -

::Angel of Mine::

Fearing this would turn out bad for everything that should be right
Fearing the friendships that would be torn apart due to what i might
Your wisdom promises a future and life in me, that i can see
Your smile shows me there's another reason to live and be me

I'm aware of what might turn out
I'm afraid of what might be
I have second thoughts of us being as one
But i feel the love in my heart grow everytime i'm away from you
And i ache moments that i know i'm missing out on the greatest
How am i to take this and make it all go away?
Or should i stand true to my feelings and let it stay?

Then i stand here viewing the picture that i'm trying to draw
All seems so tense so bitter that i am lost in the masterpiece of my life
There are so many things to think of, where it should only be of you and me
I see the love you have for him still taints that heart of yours

I'm aware of what might turn out
I'm afraid of what might be
Now us is only an imagination that is to ponder
And then i think of you and me and how things could be
Hanging on to the times that you gave me strength to face a new day
Now i'm thrown into the endless sea of wandering and torture again
When will the sun shine and the moments of glory take away the pain?

- Alcar -

- constellations -

Coming here with all that's wrong
Broken shattered looking for life
At times blindness takes control
But one day when all seemed faded
You were there

I'm thrown into the heavens
Everytime i feel your presence
You are the constellations
That allows me my visions

I know that i'm no good for you
Nor do i ever will see your love
For when i see how much you love him
I know i'm not worthy of your love
But you're there

I'm thrown into the heavens
Everytime i feel your radiance
You are the constellations
That brings out my passions

Before i make another step in life
And all this feelings fade away
I wanted you to know that right now
I miss you
I need you
And I love you
For you're there

I'm thrown into the heavens
Knowing that you're my passion
You are the constellations
That lives in my emotions

When time tells you

As the sun sets in your eyes
The night fills itself with your cries
Wishing that your heart can beat again
Disregard the ever tormenting pain

Everyday you long to see him
Everyday you wish to have the bliss
Sufferings he poured on you
Nonetheless you still need his kisses

It seems without him you can't go on
Your life and all you have is torn
Will love you longed achieve itself this way?
Will your heart stay content with his ways?

It's amazing how constellations are strewn
How one star outshines another
How you think he is your star forever
Open your eyes and you'll see another star to you is tuned

Your being in subtle ways radiates light
Having you near a glory searcher is perfection
But being with you seems far from completion
It looks as though togetherness is how the day shall never meet the night

Alcar melme Elenya

Knowing that you cry yourself to sleep,
Imagine how the hurt fills my heart
Missing every moment with you is hard
But how much he is to you runs so deep

If i could for once in my life
Made a wish and it'd come true
And that once i could take all your blues
Wish it all away that you'll come alive

Your eyes gleam everytime you hear his name
It's how my heart leaps when i see you
But i know with me its not the same
How i'd like to say that i love you

I don't know when this feeling will leave
Or when the air clears and i can breathe
Your love is strong
Your hopes are high
Your faith is endless
Your heart is true

If only i could have all those
To stand here forever and never grow old
For with those i am strong and bold
I'll open doors that's all been closed

Your love is something that can make me whole
Your light touches my soul
Your dreams inspire my thoughts
Your faith gives me strength to face a new day
Your beauty encompasses all

When i love you with all my heart
When i miss you everyday
When i hold you close to me
When i'll be your dearest friend
When i say i'll spend the rest of my life
When i'd say i'd die for you
Will you then stand next to me?
Will you then be mine?

Elenya

Why do i always fall for one
Whom i know will never be
Why do i always love someone
Who cannot cherish me

Everytime i open my eyes
i see the two of us together
Before i sleep i dream
In my dreams we are forever

Why do i long to have you near
When i know you're with him
Why does my heart shatter
When all the light before you dims

Everytime i see your face
I wish my hands were holding yours
i'm standing here, i'm your solace
Take me now and the world we'll tour

I breathe the air
I move away
Knowing that your heart's not here
Hoping one day you'll see clear
That once i loved you so
That once i missed you so

And as the days go by
I'll stand strong and not cry
For your innocence made me realise
That love needs time and compromise
Your faith showed me light
Your love gave me hope
Knowing days will turn bright
Wishing you strength to cope

When the days of love return
And your heart feels no burn
I'll stand here waiting
My heart will go beating
And I want you to know
That i care for you
And i want you to know
That i wish for you
Through the roughest winds
Through the stormiest seas
I'll offer you my hand
So take me as i am....

I look back now

I remember the days
I remember my prayers
Empty promises I made
And how they made me glad
Words of comfort that I gave
Seeking something that I'll have

I look back now
And I see the pain
I turn around
And I see my lies
I look at you
And I see the light

I remember your words
I remember your heart
Now that we're apart
My heart needs never to part
How I wish for a new day
That I might live things I say

I look back now
Feeling so deprived
I turn around
Hoping to see you
I look at you
And I see you leaving

Loving you was all I knew
Loving you was all I need
I threw it all away
Knowing I never want to let go
The thought kills me when I'm alone no
I threw it all away

I look back now
Missing the moments
I turn around
Wishing to hold you
I look at you
And I see you're gone

- inspired by Alter Bridge's "In Loving Memory" -